With every birthday that approaches, why is it that it becomes less and less exciting? And at a recent friend's birthday, someone asked her 'how young are you?' I was immediately taken aback. When have you ever heard anything other than 'how old are you?'
And this leads me to ageism, a very common notion that is both discriminatory to our elders and damaging for our future selves. We need to remember that those that would take a good book over a party invite and relish in their afternoon nap, were independent and young just as we are now. It is ignorant to think that we are invincible, immune from the clock rushing past in days and years.
As a woman in her mid-20's ageing and death seem like a faraway concept and it may well be, but ageing is inevitable and something that we don't often consider or think about it. As of recently, death and ageing have been playing on my mind. There are so many areas where ageism can take effect; nursing homes, women seeking jobs, certain workplaces, women going through menopause. Many of these instances are classified taboo, and why? We see the 30 under 30 lists spread across magazines and don't get me wrong, it is great to celebrate achievements but why is this monopoly for the young? We need to celebrate someone getting their Ph.D. at 60 or a 70-year-old debut novelist. These are the stories I want to hear. The ones who have lived their lives and have things to say, from knowledge, experience, love, happiness, grief, you name it.
We have all lost people we've loved from close family members to beloved pets, the ones who have been through it all. And I have come to realise that I want to fully embrace the idea of death so I can live and live without fear. We're all going to be memories someday, that is one thing we can be sure of, but if you're reading this, it hasn't touched us yet. We don't know when it will be or how long we have left, so how will we live while we can, and fully? Will you go through the motions? Will you complain? Will you stay where you are because it's comfortable, not taking any risks? Or will you love? Feel? Forgive? Do your absolute best? All our experiences will just be stories someday and we will be frozen in photographs so try not to be stuck in fear, afraid of the unknown, looking back with regrets.
Oscar Wilde in 'The Canterville Ghost' once said,
"Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, and forgive life, to be at peace."
Trying to deny death is almost like the idea of keeping a bird caged. We know it's wrong, trying to keep them in our presence for as long as we can, but we can't help it, it would suddenly feel much more drab and empty if they departed.
I am no expert in the area. I haven't had any significant brushes with death to date and I feel I have been quite lucky with such a big family, but I am not afraid of dying, I think, we all just don't want to and that's all there is to it. We're afraid to look back at our past or hold onto regrets because we don't want to see what we have left behind. But when we accept our lives for what they are and how we have chosen to live them, we can expect to be content in ourselves and those who have been along for the journey.
And that is why experiencing death, life, and everything in-between as our truest selves as well as without fear is so important. I don't think anyone loves the idea of getting older and we will soon see wrinkles appear as our children grow older too. But although 'forever' doesn't exist, we like to think we have the time. Time to do nothing, time to start that job, time to travel…time. And although 'forever' isn't real, the word exists because, in the back of our minds, there is hope that we will be around to see our grandchildren experience the ups and downs of life or that our pets don't go before us. But by confronting our fear, not of death, but of leaving, we embrace life. This is when we truly live as we should.
"I hope to arrive at my death late, in love, and a little drunk."
- Atticus Poetry
Feature Image: Photo by kevin laminto on Unsplash
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